From Budget Avoidance to Financial Peace: One Mom’s Journey to Healing Money Wounds

 here we are. Han it’s so exciting to have you here. We’re we’re all about it. We’re gonna get into it. Because we really, the first thing that we wanna know, friend, is what is your relationship with the B word? 

The BI have a deep, long relationship with that word. 

Love, hate, most, most. 

It is more like no relationship for so long.

She’s it’s more like non-existent.

No,  it was not, it was non-existent for a very long time. And it was one of those words that my husband would bring up maybe once a year. Like he knew very quickly not to bring it up.

So it was about once a year he would bring it up

and I would just avoid it. Avoid it. And then it wasn’t until last year that  I got a healthy relationship with that word and  it was. We’ll, I’m sure we’ll dive deeper into that story, but it was a full year and at the end of the year we went over the budget, which was very big, like our biggest month where we spend the most, we have three kids that have birthdays in one week, seven days. 

Oh  

Then we have a fourth kid, but they’re not included. So that month is that’s when we decided to go over it

Oh, good. 

and I had no anxiety.

I had so much peace. It was so visc like the healing was visceral. I was like, wow, I’m healed. I can now have a relationship with this thing called the budget. And that’s really amazing. 

Okay, that was the like the movie trailer, of of your story. Now we need to know way more so d dive in. So we, we’re like, how did the conversation start? Where did it go? How did it lead you guys? We’re old friends, so we know that some of that anxiety start at, long ago Yeah.

Growing up or whatever. So just walk us down that road. Tell us what happened. 

Yeah. Not to share like a lot of other people’s junk, but I did grow up with a family with a lot of financial struggle. Like just

didn’t handle the budget well. My parents did not communicate very well at all when it came to money. My dad ended up, falling into a gambling addiction and that was hard.

So then there was like, as I became an adult, there was conversations  that we tried to have with him as adult  kids. And so there was a lot of hurt around money.

And then I started making it as a nurse,

started making money and I was like, wow, this is amazing. I never looked at my paycheck. I was like so uncomfortable with just money in general that I wouldn’t even want like avoidance to like the 10th degree.

Like I just avoided money at all  costs and I like  rewind Before becoming a nurse in college, I would just, I didn’t, I just wanted to live that. I don’t have any money. College student life like. I didn’t ask my parents ever for money. I worked like a little like college job on the weekends and would literally live on $2 a week and

just get as much free stuff as I could anywhere I could.

I just was like trying to do it on my own, realizing  college kids don’t have money you need to eat. I dunno. But  anyway, then I started making it and I was just like, I don’t know what to do with this. This is just, what do I do with this money? So then I, I did finally have one budget conversation with my mom as maybe six months into being a nurse and she’s okay, you have money now.

You need to learn how, what to do with it. So I ended up breaking it down a little bit with her and seeing that, and that was my one and only budget lesson. 

Woo. 

And I was like this is gonna serve me for the rest of my 

Obviously this is all I need to know.  Yeah.

Yeah. And then I, just started making more money as a nurse.

I started travel nursing, which then there’s like more issues that come, like they give you a stipend for housing. And I didn’t even know what some of these words meant. I was like just tell me like, and like I would have an conversation with my recruiter like. You can make this much  amount.

And I just like honestly was just still  avoiding to the 10th degree and into travel nursing for a couple years. And then I met my now husband and it was very quickly into that relationship that I realized he’s amazing with money and it, he’s a godsend, like he’s my husband. That’s one of the major reasons why he is my

That  is why God sent him. Yes.   

it was like a res, it was like a rescue plan  here.

Yeah, they always complete us, right? It’s like we always complete each other, and that’s why we’re always a perfect fit. 

no. It was like one of our, we had a lot of phone conversations, our first month of relationship, and it was one of those, we talked about some kind of something with money. Oh. And I knew, but then he moved to San Francisco, which is where I was living at the time. Lived without a job for three months, paid rent, took me to the fanciest places, dated me without a job, and I was like.

He’s obviously amazing with money. 

Yeah. 

in San Francisco, so I knew and then I was just like God, this is my rescue plan. This is why I married him. I don’t have to deal with any of the financial stuff it’s a hard subject for me. I’ve been through a lot as a kid and even a young adult thank you.

I

could just  accept

all glad. I obviously still can I continue to ignore it, right? 

And I can continue ignore it and my husband can do all of it. That’s so amazing. And he did, he was amazing and continued to do it. And then I heard I don’t know, maybe this was 2022 I heard on a podcast, a financial coach and she was at the time, I don’t know if she still is, but she was particularly for women. I was just listening to this podcast because she was a friend of a friend, like I was not listening to it ’cause I had anything to  do. The finances, I was just like, when you are  letting one of the, one letting your spouse deal with all of the money, it is like letting one spouse deal with all of the parenting. And there’s a lot of resentment that can build, and I felt like a gut punch. I was like, I would never want to be a single parent when you’re married and you have that spouse, like

it’s supposed to be a team. And if I am. Making him feel like the only parent in  finances like that is awful. And  I started to see how every time every year, once a year, he’d ask me to do the budget how his resentment was growing.

He was still doing it amazingly. He didn’t put up a big fuss. He knew it. All my breakdowns. He knew it was causing me a lot of anxiety. He just didn’t, he just still let me avoid it. And it was like that conversation, that podcast, and I was like, okay, I can’t avoid it any longer. And had a lot of prayer conversations with God and he  was like, this is your time.

You have to  find out. I was a holistic wellness coach. And he is you’re not. You can’t just ignore the financial wellness piece. This is actually what I want you to focus on in this season. And I was like, okay, I will do this as long as it take. And I actually knew it was gonna take a long time. So I told my husband, I’m doing this. I’m going to be, financially, it’s, I’m gonna find peace there, but please be patient with

me.  

It’s such a, it’s such a good point because we say that all the time and we see it all the time. It’s not that some, one of the people in the marriage, sometimes it’s none of ’em. So you’re, you are blessed that way, but it’s not that one of them isn’t. Capable. Of running the show. But as we mentioned before, you are a team, right?

You are a team and all the things, that’s why you got married is because you wanted to do life together. And so even, what we coach people  is, even if one of you is gonna do the bulk of it,  you both still need to be involved. And it shouldn’t be all on one person’s shoulders to make all the decisions and to.

To do everything on their own because as you, as your podcast person said, that’s not fair. And it is going to, even if they’re good at it, even if they’re the Vanessa of the relationship who loves math, loves numbers, loves budgets, would do it all day, every day, if she didn’t have to eat right, even if they’re like that, it’s still not fair.

It’s still not right to, for it to all be on their shoulders. And I just had a client yesterday, I was talking to her and she.  Is the one that burdened everything. Like her husband has no  idea, like literally no idea what’s going on. And she said, for so long I have taken this on to try to hide it so I wouldn’t burden him and I wouldn’t bother him with it.

And she said but they’re, they have a lot of debt because of it, because she just tried to make it work. So he had no idea what he could spend. So he just spent, she allowed him to spend ’cause she didn’t wanna ever tell him no. ’cause she didn’t wanna burden him. So whatever didn’t, whatever.

When there was no money in the account, she just went to credit cards. Yeah. And so I, we had this  very honest conversation yesterday on our session and I said, you  have to print this out and I need you to show him, and I need you to very kindly tell him, I have taken this burden on. For so long because I didn’t want to bother you.

That’s me. That’s not on you. That’s on me. But I need to know. I need you to see what has caused, yeah. And I said, you have had a minute to process this. He hasn’t. So if he freaks out, that’s okay. Let him have a moment like, and just freak. But then you guys need to come together as a team and you guys we’re going to tackle this together. 

Yeah. Yep. I much rather do it. I didn’t realize. I much rather do it as a team. I didn’t realize because he’s so good at it and maybe your other spouse is so good at it, but that just the decisions the anxiety that the decisions can cause. Even though they’re great at handling it. They can move it all around where you’re not in debt they know what to do, but just that the decision fatigue can

really wear on them  

And the other, so if it’s that, and then it’s also this parent child relationship that you’re creating because now I, not on purpose either, right? Like you don’t mean to do that, but now I’m telling you how much you have to spend. And or I’m telling you, don’t spend anymore.

And that’s not the, that’s not the vibes that we want for our marriage. And we’ve talked before. It can be exciting. I think that’s where people get  because we have such money baggage and because we have, whatever, this past,  we don’t see it as this place where it can be fun.

I can look forward to this conversation because we’re doing the right things. We’re funding our future. We’re making good decisions and we’re doing it together. That’s where we can live. We might have to get through a little bit of messiness. Especially, I love what you said, I’m making money.

That’s when people come to us. It’s okay, now that I’m making money, I probably should do something with it. I should probably figure this out.  And especially as you start to make more money, you want to be  a better steward of it and you want to be able to do all of these things that you both were working really hard when you’re younger and now you, maybe you get to this point where you have money and we can do stuff, but let’s put it in a budget and let’s do it together.

Yeah. I think that’s the one thing that people forget is like when you finally come together as a team and you talk about it. The vision and the fun and all of that dreamy stuff that you used to do. ’cause we all dreamt we  got married, we had this dream and this vision of what our life was gonna look  like.

And then we had kids. We are working like sometimes that subsides and we forget. But coming together and really dreaming about what your money can do for you, it’s fun. Yeah. So tell us, Han so you, you said this is where I was, I realized I needed to heal. And then also you gave us the bookend of when you had finally have sat down in the meeting and you felt peace.

What was the middle, how did you get there? I. 

Yeah. This this other financial coach I was telling you about I don’t even think she does it anymore, but she had a workbook and I’m a very I was committed at that point. Like I. Committed with God, I’m doing this and I was letting him hold me accountable. I actually was showing up on. Social media. At the time I did not have a coaching business. And my business just wasn’t what it is now. But at  the time it was just mostly social media. And so I came  ca I was just vulnerable. I was like, Hey guys, this year I’m committing to my financial wellness and I wanna grow. I want you also to choose an area to take action in.

And so it was me like holding myself accountable with my. Followers, if you will. And not that they checked in on me, I would’ve liked that but I’m good at, like I said, if I told God, I, let’s  do this. And he was also and we talked about this on my show.   Obedience proceeds the miracle.

He was instructing me to do this. It felt like I need to obey in this area. And I was like, I don’t know what’s gonna come of it, but I know. Where there’s obedience, there’s fruit, like God wants good things for us.

And so I I started working through this workbook and then I also started reprogramming my brain.

So  this is something that I learned  in 2020 once I started this wellness business of mine. I learned this from my mentor at the time, but. We, and I’ve done it several times with several different areas of my life. But in this instant, I was like, this is the only way to get through this.

Because I know that my thoughts and beliefs about money are totally wrong, and it’s because of a lot of stuff done to me and  said to me, but I still have to take charge of it and I still

have  to take account for what’s in my brain. So we worked through this amazing, prayer counseling book called Prayers that Heal the Heart. And we worked through it together in a group, like group therapy. But it was exactly what I needed and we worked through it for most of the year, for eight months. So I did the workbook and then we started this book together, this therapy group. We would meet once a week and I  started reprogramming my brain as far as.  What beliefs were in there? Dug up the lies, dug up the hurt, the traumatic pictures, the the word curses over my life with money. The inner vows that I had, the false agreements that I’ve made, the expectations that I had, and dug it all up and used prayer and relationship with God and. Processing auditory and  verbally to

heal from it.

’cause you actually  can do that. You actually can get rid of the lies that are in your brain and if you repeatedly, consistently put the truth in the truth stays.

And that’s what we did. And again, using accountability, we did it together and. I think we finished this book and this whole group therapy session in november  and then we go into Christmas,  which where it’s like the most heaviest like

financial piece of all. So we go into Christmas and of course, we’re having a lot of family conversations about budget and money and gifts and all the things. And I’m feeling okay. I’m feeling pretty good about it. I’m not having anxiety. I’m actually, ’cause you can’t, there’s not just like a switch that says you have anxiety about finances and

All  done. Yeah. 

So it was like I had to put that action in the work in to see if it all resolved

and like to see how healed I was and I felt healed. And then I go into Christmas and. Oh man, it was like the little explanation point. I was confronted with a very hard  very hard conversation

with my  childhood family. And that I, it was the hardest thing, one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I knew it was spiritually healing me and. I call this like when we worked through that group therapy book, we call it like a heart wound that I had a heart wound  around finances and I felt like it was completely  like healed at that point, even though it was so hard and it was not.

I. One and done conversation. It was like a couple weeks and a lot of prayer and but I really feel like God held my hand through it. Like you did all this work all year and now look what you can do and  I’m doing it with you. You’re having the courage to take these,  this hard conversations. And then then we went into, yeah the big budget conversation I told you we had. So that was Christmas and then. It was just this past, like February, we had the big budget conversation and I had extreme peace. It was wild. 

I love it. So I wanted to point something out about what you said, which I think is really important, how you. Pulled out the untruths the lies. Some somebody might say, the lies that the enemy has told you and that you’re holding onto, and there’s. Actual research. So what we have to do is the hard thing, and nobody wants to do the messy, hard thing, which is what you did.

And they wanna skip to the piece without that. But it’s super important. And there is research that shows, so if you think about those  thoughts that are in your head, we call ’em wrecking balls in your head. You  don’t know necessarily that they’re there. That’s why you have to go do the work to discover them and pull them out.

And the research shows if you can picture like a tree I think about a fruitful tree. Like it’s just growing and it’s happening in here, but if you literally say it, call it out with your ver with your words, you pull it out and it like dies. It can die that quickly and it’s like a dead tree that comes out.

But if it’s in there, it’s just growing and living and having living its best life.  But you, but literally just calling it out because when you  think I’m never allowed to go shopping. Like when you, that’s what you’re gonna believe, you’re thinking that. But when you say it out loud, you’re like.

That’s actually not true. So much of the stuff that you can pull out of your brain is actually not true. And when you say it out loud with your words, then you can actually kill it. You can actually take the life out of it. Because oh, I’ve been thinking about that, but it’s actually not true in real life.

What I love that you said was you pulled out the expectations, like that was the  word that stuck with me because we have so many people that.  Think that they’re supposed to be further along, they’re supposed to know they’re supposed, there’s so many expectations based on what other, how other people are living or how your parents lived, or maybe not, or, there’s so much around that.

But when you can pull that out and go, no. This is my life. This is how I’m gonna do it, this is how we are deciding, this is our expectations for our ourselves. Yeah. I think you can just create a whole new vision and picture. And I think that is, it’s so good. I love that word that you said. 

Yeah. So that’s actually what I do in my coaching because it literally changed my life, is I help my clients reprogram their brain

and it, again, they’re coming to me for anxiety and stress and lack of time and energy and presence and motherhood, but I’m like, first we have to get. To the bottom of it,

and we had to get to the root system of their big tree, and we have to find out where this is coming  from. And and because it’s proven, its  self time and time again in my own life, I’m able to go and do it with confidence and the, so I call them belief card. And because that’s what my mentor did when she first taught me this in 2020. And there we call ’em belief cards, but it is the reprogramming of your brain.

And you say your truth statement, which is scripture. And in my mind, and if you might, if you don’t believe in scripture, you might call it like an affirmation,  but. Scripture truth is scripture. And  when you say that out loud, twice a day, and especially to yourself in the mirror, scientifically proven, like you said Shayna, it is, science has proven that you are reprogramming and rewiring those neuron pathways. And so my once for financial wellness where a sower plant seeds and God will lead me to rich soil that will harvest in abundance and, the other one’s my God makes my way prosperous. 

Another thing that I did, so there were several, I,  that’s all I can find right here in front of me. Another thing. Then I did is I was listening to another podcast and Joyce Meyer, who we all know and love, she was sharing how she got her and her husband very successful in the ministry. They were getting going. They knew they were in God’s right way. They knew that they were doing what they were supposed to be doing, and they didn’t feel like they were seeing the fruit and they were getting really frustrated.

They were like  financially not seeing the fruit and then the just like also  in the ministry not seeing the fruit and. God told them you are doing the right thing, but you’re not watering your seeds. And so we always talk about just like this verse says, A sower, plant seeds and God will lead to that harvest, that abundance will come when you plant the seeds.

That’s what we’re told, right? You reap what you sow. She’s like, why am I not reaping? And he’s ’cause you’re not watering. You’re not watering your seeds. Your seeds  need water. And so she wrote this book called Prepare  to Prosper.

Very tiny little book, 50 pages, and there’s a prayer in here that I started speaking out loud, like you’re saying, Shena speaking out loud over. My day, because again, it wasn’t always for me that financial wellness wasn’t always about money. It was just those negative thoughts, expectations, words, word curses, that pros like scarcity mindset

that was taught to me  was stuck in there.

And it didn’t even matter how much money  we had. It wasn’t about that.

It was

about the thought. And I would speak this over my day and it’s like I am, and this is all scripture and it’s, but it’s the same thing. It’s speaking truth over, out loud. She says, do it frequently. I’m blessed. I’m a blessing. Everything. I lay my hand to prosperous and succeeds. I’m blessed when I come in blessed.

When I go out, I favor. Everywhere I go, God is multiplying me. I seek first the kingdom of God. He adds all the other things that I need. I love  to give. I always have plenty of seed to sow and bread to eat.  My cup runs over. Goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life, and I always have more than enough.

After she started doing that and praying. Watering her seeds, the, it was like fruit everywhere. And she knows she has a successful ministry. So she wanted to tell people This is how it happened.

It happened ’cause I watered the seeds ’cause I

put God’s truth over the work. So

yeah. That all of that is how it happened. 

So that is so good. So what I’m hearing is two takeaways for our listeners. Okay. The first one is you gotta go dig out those things that are in there. Like you said, dig those out. The why, the, yeah. And then the second thing is to start speaking truth. Whether you use Joyce Meyers prayers or you use the scripture affirmations that you just said, or you come up with your own speaking truth.

And and one of the things our people is they can’t even, they sometimes they can’t even  think about what could be possible or their goals or their future.  I think very very easy. Shortcut to that is to use God’s word. God already has your plans and he’s already got the goals for you right there.

He’s got the best book out there. Yeah. He’s got all the right words. So just borrow his and then let, and let that, like you said, seep in. So those are the two takeaways. Dig out what’s dirty in there, get it out, and then start speaking some life over to your yourself.

Over yourself. Yeah. Han so tell our people where, how they can find you and maybe dig deeper. 

Yes, I would love to and I would say speak truth. It’s gonna sound like a lie to you because the truth is opposite in your head at that point because of all the lies that are in there, the false agreements. And so one of the ones that I had that didn’t even sound like a lie to me, it was just, to me it was factual. 

It was I’m an average person. 

I’m average height, I’m average weight, I’m average skill. I’m average smart. So I’m, I felt athletic. I felt very average and I would speak that out loud and I thought, that’s just a fact. It’s not. God says that I’m incomparable, I’m a masterpiece.  So the more I was saying those things, that lie out  loud to other people, I was bearing that root deeper and I had to recognize that’s a lie.

I

had to come to the truth and say. That’s not true. God does not say that. The enemy says that he wants you to believe that and says, stay small. So I had to literally write on my card.  God says, I’m incomparable. I am more than  average. And like it sounds like a lie at first. You gotta keep doing it until it becomes the truth.

So I love that you pulled those two takeaways. But just don’t be as, as you start saying the truth, which is from the word of God.

Realize it’s going to say sound not true to you. Don’t buy into that lie either. 

At the beginning. Yeah. I think at the beginning, I think the more you do it, the better. The easier it’s gonna come and the more truthful it’ll feel to you at the,  

Yeah. Yes,  

Dan, for coming on. We so appreciate you speaking life of over our listeners and these little bits of, tips and tricks that you gave them. I to, I got them as takeaways to be able to do in my life. Tell all of our listeners where they can find you. 

Yes. So it’s great hard work that we will do together, and you can find that@thehanwright.com. And I do personal coaching as well as have a Facebook group where we like to keep each other accountable and just a free group that we like to be holistic moms together so we can do that work in there too. 

Thank

Oh,  and the podcast  

I was just gonna say, you have a

I do. Holistic Moms is my podcast, and it, yes, it’s filled with episodes

talking  

podcast pals, so Yeah, absolutely. And your art is so cute and like instead of being pin pen pals. Pen pals. We’re podcast pals.  

I, yes, I’m in it. I’m with you. 

Alright, it was lovely to talk to you. We’re so blessed by by your story and how you can, how you’re gonna help our listeners and so thanks for coming.

Thank you so much for having me. It was so fun.